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Tomorrow is Chinese Luna Festival; in Taiwanese tradition, people will do BBQ on that day. But, we did it today in a Japanese BBQ restaurant. While eating, Lorraine said Hilmar still kept doing the project he did (but failed) in Taiwan and he would find some reason to come here again. It was exciting to hear this. If he really wants to come, I hope he would come before my internship so that I would have more time to hang out with him.

overcome all defects to become a better man!!!

Today, the typhoon left Taiwan. What the funny thing was the wind and rain became fucking stronger after the Tainan city government announced there would be no off tomorrow due to the weather would be fine. Luckily, the government finally changed its mind, so there would be a day off officially.

However, whether or not I would have a day off depended on my advisor. If she decided the lab meeting to be held as usual, that would be the normal Monday as I usually have.

Last night, I went to bed at 4 in the morning but could not fall asleep, because I kept thinking my scale and I found there were lots of things to be worried about psychometric properties and validity data. I was so anxious that I got up, turned on my computer and started to write the abstract. When the job was finished, it was almost thirty pass ten.

I am so tired now due to the lack of sleep.

This is the first week of new semester. Next week will be the third and last time to choose the course. As I said before, I would take 12 credits in this semester. The least credits I have ever taken since entering the graduation. Sometimes, I would think if I should take more courses to improve my competence as a clinical psychologist. But I also know that there would be a lot of things to be done in this semester, including writing the article and preparing the TOFEL. That means lots of time will be cost for get these things done. Maybe 12 credits may be enough for me.

Actually, I do not know what I am supposed to do. Maybe finally I would take one more course. I said maybe.

I have tried to write something on my blog every, but I did not do so last two days.

The main reason for that is for the analysis of my data.

On the first night of this semester, I even discussed that with my advisor till the 3 o’clock in the morning!!! What a terrible beginning!

On the next night, I kept analyzing the data and, sadly, the result was not consistent with my expectation. I was freaked out.

Fortunately, my advisor, who was supposed to be in Taichung tonight, called me and my classmate to discuss with her. In the discussion, the topic that I will represent at the upcoming annual conference held by Taiwanese Psychological Association in Chiayi was decided.

Actually, I am looking forward to presenting in this conference as a graduate student of my school, because I had been to the same academic conference on my last year of college and hoped I could do the same thing one day. Obviously, my dream will come true!!

The new semester will start tomorrow. Although I know I am no supposed to say this, however I really hate to face all the upcoming busy life. Hope everything will be fine.

I take 12 credits in this semester, but I would probably take another 3-credit course about multi-variance analysis, if the class timetable conflict problem could be solved.

But even I will take 15 credits finally, this semester will still be the one that I take the least credits ever. But that is ok, because I need some additional time to write my article about the development of negative self-focused thinking/rumination questionnaire. I hope that article will be submitted in this semester. Fighting!

There are many international students living in the Prince dormitory of NCKU. Tonight when waiting for the elevator, I saw a tall and young black man with a female Taiwanese. The female was at around age 30 and wore to much makeup on her sagging skin. She seemed to be happy to go inside the male dormitory with a young black man. She even said, “Screw you.” to the black man in the elevator, I thought she meant she was going to SCREW the black man tonight.

Sometimes girls would go to the male dormitory, and vice versa. Every now and then, I would wonder what kind of manner the one should have when going to opposite-sexed dormitory. No matter what it would be, laughing like a slut is not one of them.

Today was quite a ordinary day. If there was anything special, it had to be going to the Line travel agency(雄獅旅行社) for applying my passport. Without a passport, I can not sign in the TOFET. However, I thought I still have to study harder because the time for preparation is limited and Leiden university has a high english standard. Hence, if I would like to participate to the exchange student program of Leiden university, I have to study harder. I believe I can make it!

Tonight, I went to have dinner at around 7 o'clock. The moment I opened my door, I saw my new neighbor standing in front of me (I used to took out the pre-paid electricity card when leaving, and that would make some BB sounds. I believed it were the sounds that told my neighbor I was leaving.). He hoped I could close the door more slightly. I was shocked at that moment, because I never shutted the door loundly. I could help but keep saying “I l close the door too loudly.” at least twice. My neighbor absolutely misinterpreted my reaction. He thought I was embarrassed, so he kept saying, “That’s OK. Just hope you could close the door more slightly.” Obviously there was something wrong with his theory of mind.

I went to ncku hospital to examine whether I had been infected with TB, and luckily everrything was OK.

After the examination, I took high speed train station to Chiayi (嘉義) for the worship.

I come back Tainan and went to the Wusaint (武聖) nightmarket with classmates of graduation school.

After that, I went to play pool alone. Though I could not focuse sometimes, I played well. I cleared the talbe four times within one and half hours. Tonight, I found that the right position could help me predict the trajectory and correct the point of the cue ball I aimed at. That was my hugh improvement today.

FOCUSE! ~Hilmar (2010)

Tonight, I went to play pool with Lisa and Lorraine. I did what Hilmar had taught me, i.e. focsuing on the pool while playing instead of thinking how I was supposed to do.

I did not totally focuse on the pool all the time, I mean, I still tried to figure out how I could pot the balls sometimes. However, when I focused, I could sometimes sense the line existing through the pocket, cue ball, objective ball, and myself. I could correct my stroke depending on the line, and most of time the objective ball was potted.

Like Hilmar said, we could not know whether the ball would be potted before we stroke. The uncertainty would make me feel anxious, and the easiest way to get rid of the anxious feeling is to stroke immediately. Most of those kind strokes would fail due to poor focuse. Hence, learning to face and deal with the anxiety is my new lesson.

I think I would feel anxiety under uncertain situation, because in my mind I hope I could pot the ball. If I do not make it, I fail to be the ideal self. BUT, maybe there is not supposed to have an ideal self in the very beinging, because the one staies in the moment is the REAL me.

I tried to figure out the soultion to the anxiety in perspective of mindfulness, but it seemed not so convincing. I konw that means I need to learn more.

拼了拼了，希望能在實習完交換出去到國外當交換學生！

現在我能做的就是先把護照辦好（才能考英檢），英文學好（才能達到最低門檻），投稿文章寫好（讓院長有意願讓我出國），至於其他不能控制的，就聽天由命了！

最近在我身上發現了一個有趣的心理學議題--對工作的抗拒，也就是每每要應該要做些正經事的時候，卻會轉身去去做一堆不重要或不緊急的事情，然後拖到最後一刻才願意起頭著手。

這是個很普遍卻有弔詭的行為。直接做該做的事情，好處是遠大於壞處，但是為什麼就是不想做。

社會心理學有個專有名詞叫自我設限（Self-handicaped），也就是潛意識裡我們會擔心自己認真投入後會難以承受失敗，所以在作的時候就會找理由不盡自己的全力，好讓自己失敗的時候有其他的外在理由可以責怪，避免自尊受挫。

不過，我覺得這跟我說的情況不一樣。

現在時間有些不夠，我先寫下自已的主訴，以後再慢慢分析。

1.從打算要做，到真正開始著手，總要經過一兩個小時的掙扎。掙扎過程中一切生理感受都會變得十分明顯，所以常可以感受到自己需要睡覺，但也有可能在不需要睡名的時候硬睡。

2.等到正式著手後，又會感到極大的罪惡感以及羞恥感，覺得自己怎麼可以這樣虛度光陰，浪費了許多可用的時間。

把寫完摘要寄給學妹後，衝去洗澡，現在3點10分，開始打包，希望四點前能上車！

問他有沒有真的喝到失去意識的經驗。荷馬說，第一次喝醉，是在圖書館。他跟大家一起去那邊下棋，因為當天有conference，桌上有多的酒，大家就開始偷喝別人的酒，一直喝一直喝，喝到不省人事。當別人說起當天他酒醉後做了什麼，他會"阿"的一聲，然後想起好像有這麼一回事，但自己實在無法自發性地想起來發生了什麼。

跟他說，漢民族因為基因的關係，所以不能喝太多。他說，這樣沒錯，因為要酒癮要能喝很多酒。但問他韓國人好像很能喝，他說其實不是這樣，他們喝了很多以後隔天就會宿醉得很嚴重，甚至吃不下早餐，但他喝完後隔天一早又可以開始正常的一天。

他說到，自己因為時常到各國去，所以能適應離開的場合，就像現在這樣。

他平常不太會吃mid-night snack，只是今天是在台南的最後一晚，所以到了勝利早餐買了煎餃帶回來宿舍裡一邊看DVD一邊吃。我說當我瞇聽到很晚的時候，也會來道育樂街買東西，但是在我點完餐以後，我就開始後悔了，因為其實我根本不餓。他大笑。

問他現在有沒有女朋友，他說沒有。我說我想也是，不然怎可能能到台灣那麼久的時間。他大笑，說自己以前有過一個韓國女友，然後反問我，我說沒有，因為我不喜歡跟同班的人在一起，以免以後分手了，在同學會（Reunit）上會尷尬，他說他也有想過這個問題，他覺得尷尬其實是自己詮釋下的結果，他以前有為了克服自己的尷尬情緒，曾經試著一個人站在Party裡不動，讓自己陷在自己覺得尷尬的情境裡，然後發現其實也就是這樣，沒有什麼好尷尬的。

他說，很難想像自己在7天後就要開始研究生生活，但自己現在卻還在台南悠哉，我跟他說在我們有俗話說"風雨前的寧靜"(Quite before the strome)，他大笑說，沒錯就是這樣！

問他歐洲人的英文是不是都很好，他搖頭說其實不然，因為很多德國人在德國根本用不到英文，他雖然也在中學時上過英文，但也是到荷蘭以後才開始變的流利。但他說丹麥人的英文是真的很厲害，因為他的國家很小，國際上大家都不說他的語言，所以國民都努力學英文。

他說英文是要用了才會，然後說我現在的英文能力已經比剛認識他的時候好很多了。我跟他說，第一次見到他，跟他握手的時候，因為我手上有汗，所以一握完就下意識地牛仔褲上擦手，當下立刻覺得自己真的很不禮貌，怎麼一跟別人握完手就在擦手。他說這很有趣，因為我自己雖然覺得自己不禮貌，但是他卻已經壓根忘了這件事。

聊到打球的事，我跟他說，我來成大一年，他是第一個陪我打球的人，等他走以後，可能我就再也沒有打桌球、撞球的咖了，他說他知道，但是他覺得我會因為這些日子不斷打球的經驗，開始會跟別人相約打球（至少有莉莎），之後的日子是有可能因此改變的。

他說到我在打球的時候，感覺起來好像得失心很重。我說我不是真的很在乎勝負，只是當我覺得球應該進而沒有進的時候，我會覺得很沮喪，我甚至想不出球技是哪裡出了狀況，以至於不知如何改進。他跟我說，自己以前打球會一直去想勝負輸贏，但後來發現這種想法只會讓自己繃得很緊，兩年前開始不再去管這些事情，把注意力單純放在打球本身。我跟他說，但是在打撞球的時候，我們總必須要分析自己的力道，或是瞄準的點，才能有打進袋。他說，我會這樣想，表示我已經有了個既定的想法，也就是我要打出特定的球路，我要進帶，但他告訴我，這樣的想法會讓我忽略了球本來就會四處跑的事實，反而會讓我沒有辦法看到整個局面可能會出現的狀況。我說，下次跟莉莎去打球的時候，我可以試試看這樣的打球方式，他說如果我這樣想，就已經表示出我下次一定要這樣作的意思（這會又讓我看不見事情的其他可能的發展）。我問他，知不知到什麼是Zen（禪），他說他知道，他在台南曾經在別人安排下和一個新加坡來的出家人討論過這些議題，我說他看事情的人生哲學就是和禪的觀點很像，有一種心理治療也是用這樣的邏輯進行，他就說"Mindfulness"，他說他對這個議題其實很有興趣，所以他來台灣研究的主題就和這有關，但其實他主要是受到瑜珈的影響。他說兩年前他開始接觸瑜珈，覺得自己真的有所改變，不過之後就沒有再持續，我開玩笑說是因為喝酒的關係嗎？他說是的，因為瑜珈讓他較有精神，所以就有能力喝更多的酒，結果就喝不停。

問他為什麼總是穿長袖襯衫，他說他有個朋友在Tommy工作，所以他有拿到特賣會的邀請函，一去就狂買，但其實自己平常是不喜歡買衣服的，也希望下次還能有拿到邀請函的機會。


當兵家人打點話來˙，他不用當兵，只是浪費時間，

正向態度

賺錢，學匪


基隆

再來登認至世界各地的朋友，有時人際關係會變得有點奇快，可能我剛要跟你變成好友，你就離開了。我說就像現在一樣。他說，對。




怎麼不告訴我太也住太子

不知道帶他去哪裡

其實現在已經是八月25的3點半了，今天是老外荷馬在台南的最後一天，但是因為今天莉莎必須準備明天的Lab meeting，所以今天出遊大隊不能成行。

但是，今天是荷馬在台南的最後一天，總不希望就這樣過去，看他一直登入在臉書上，我就很一直想跟他聊天，其實也不是聊天，就是對話一下。想了超久但是就一直無法send出訊息，就一直掙扎地過了9到12點，超極痛苦。後來不知道是怎麼回事，異想天開帶了DVD跟相機直接殺去11樓找他，靠近他的房間，發現他房門是開著，想必是因為太熱又冷氣壞掉所以想通風，但是掙扎的戲碼又再次上演，我在他房間前的走廊上來回不下五六次，甚至是待在他門邊站著，一直不敢叫他。一度叫他，他也沒聽到（他在看DVD）。後來還回房間拎我的電風扇，然後再下去，到他房間的時候本來又要開始裹足不前，但剛剛好他的鄰居正好開門出來，不想被別人認為是偷窺狂，只好硬著頭皮在門外叫老外。

進房後，為他在做啥（其實我早就知道了，擺明是客套），後來他就問我要不要喝酒，然後我們就到了7-12外喝海尼根聊到快3點半。說了超多，以後有機會再說！

最近的網誌好像都離不開荷馬，但這也是沒辦法的事，因為幾乎我幾乎從早到晚都和他待在一起。一早被電話叫醒，就是他打來說要搭桌球。打完到12點，盥洗一下，1點繼續一起去吃東西，吃到三點，稍微解散。五點半又在謝LAB見面，聽莉莎抱怨學姊不負責任，待到快八點，去吃山根，本來打算吃完以後帶他去對面赤崁樓聽音樂，慘的是，到了以後才發現他知前來過了，而且今天晚上還沒有音樂表演。所以最後又回到了我們的老地方--彈子房。

我喜歡新鮮的生活，所以常會希望能有多一點的變化，可能因為我有這樣的想法，所以我也總是會想帶老外去沒去過又有趣的地方看看走走，偏偏台南很少有這種地方，特別是入夜以後。而且作息變成常態後，興奮的心情也會減弱，莉莎跟我就發現現在老外常常出現沒有表情的臉，這跟過去的時候其實不太一樣，但我跟莉莎都會彼此說我們已經盡力啦！不是說荷馬很難取悅，或是取悅他是我們的工作之類的，只是真的希望他能開心的來，開心的離開，而不是無聊地待在房間裡，與其晾在太子，不如早點回家（台灣觀光局真該頒個獎給我！）。

雖然知道不可能一直像這樣幾乎全天候的跟他Hang out，特別是新學期就即將開始，但是還是覺得捨不得，因為所裡大概也沒有其他人可以不斷跟我打桌球、Pool、保齡球或大魯閣等等等。可能是因為預見即將又要開始乏味的生活，所以才讓老外的離開更加讓我覺得可惜。

今天一早就跟老外打桌球，說是一早其實也已經快一點了，打到兩點，洗完澡跟運動服，三點又前往莉莎的家，在路上也買了北京烤鴨。在莉莎家看電影、玩疊疊樂跟吃東西，到了晚上八點，看玩食尚玩家（老外看不懂，所以一臉平靜，不像平常搞笑，甚至一度在地板上小睡）後，到育樂街吃煎餃。然後陷入苦思，因為我跟莉莎已經不知道還有哪些新地方可以帶荷馬去的，我們不僅自己想破頭，同時也親友求救，希望能找到可以看夜景、或是好玩的地方。但最後都還是找不到，三個人坐在位置上大眼瞪小眼，其實還滿窘的。尤其，荷馬是客人，總是希望他可以開開心心，不想讓他在最後幾天裡在自己的房間裡發呆。但是我們真的不是派對動物，沒有過夜生活的習慣，所以入夜後也不知到哪裡可去。所以最後又進了撞球間裡，結束今天的行程。

老外下星期二一早就要離開台南，參加完年會就回荷蘭準備開始碩班生活。

雖然相處不到一個月，但一起聊天跟出遊的質跟量已經比所上很多同學還多，所以想到他就要離開，還是會有點惆帳。